capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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