Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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