Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
