turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
