you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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