Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
