Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
