yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
