Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
