At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
