My first STD was from a foam party
it was like eating out sand paper
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Houston, we have a blender
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
