im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
