Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
