drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
