Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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