and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
