It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
