I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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