I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
