dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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