I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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