Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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