I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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