oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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