I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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