the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
