so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
