Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
