Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
