I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You need a sexual gate keeper
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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