yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
