I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
