I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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