Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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