Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
