Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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