so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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