just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
