as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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