Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
