the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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