I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
