OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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