Can i not drive my cunt home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
