Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
