NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
