May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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