you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
