Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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