hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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