U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
